Ye Ancient Post: "Birth of Sin"

 Do you remember the first time you knew the wrong thing to do, and chose to do it anyhow? A thing where the morality was clear, and perhaps the expedience was not even so great; the choice was simply wickedness, or not. And you chose wickedness?

Did it make your blood tingle? Did your eyes widen, if only a little? Did you feel the electric fire racing up your gut? 

I recall the first time I chose to sin. I remember the first time I chose sin. I remember my blood tingling, I remember my eyes widening, I remember the electric fire racing up and through me and out of me into the world around me, alighting it with ugly orange beauty. 

Did you feel shame? I felt shame. There would be no fun if there was no shame; the cold stab in the heart that persisted well after the humming orange light had faded. I trembled and wept. Did you wail? Have you wailed? I have wailed. I have sworn and sobbed, and yes, felt bitter pain over the way I am.

But in that wailing there was acceptance. I did not wail over what I had done. I wailed over what I was; I knew from the moment my blood first tingled at the thrill of evil that I could fight the urge, resist the call, choose virtue. My actions were mine to direct; I was not thrall to fate. But I was, in the core of my being, a thing of evil. 

This is a leftover from my older blog. It was mostly stuff like this. I wasn't a very happy kid, if you can't tell. Most of those posts I'm going to just let die but I figured I might as well move a few over so you can get the full view of who and how I am.

Yes, I was cringe.