Respecting the Longbow

 



On the 26th of August, 1346, the forces of Edward III, king of England, stood in a series of columns between the villages of Crecy and Wadicourt, peering down the hills towards Fontaine, where a vast French army was massing to drive the English invaders back to the sea. 

The French army was enormous; even ignoring the improbable estimates of ancient chroniclers it is plausible the French outnumbered the English by more than two to one. And while many of the French soldiers were hastily-assembled levies of peasants, the core of their army were professionals: the armored men-at-arms that form the iconic centerpiece of modern medieval warfare. These knights were supported by thousands of professional crossbowmen from Genoa: highly trained experts who carried the iconic pavise shields in addition to their deadly mechanical weapons. 

It was, on paper, one of the finest medieval armies one could amass. It was led not only by King Philip, but his royal ally King John of Bohemia, supported by Prince Charles and a host of other notable dukes and counts. Transported into a fantasy realm, it would be an army well-suited to fighting a demon king or vampire tyrant.

But they did not face a demonic army. Instead, they faced the English, wielding something more lethal than hellfire: the English longbow. The French knights made numerous tactical errors, but nothing saw to their destruction more than the longbow. 

The Genoese crossbowmen could not compete; they were almost immediately outshot and forced to withdraw. The French men at arms charged repeatedly up the hill, each time leaving hundreds of bodies in the mud. Over and over again, they were repulsed, at extravagant cost.




King John of Bohemia was shot in the head and killed. Along with him "died 9 princes, 10 counts, a duke, an archbishop, and a bishop," according to Wikipedia. The battle was a slaughter; the English suffered few losses, while the French lost the greater bulk of their chivalry. And this was not a rare victory: nearly the same events would replay at Agincourt and repeatedly for the better part of the next two centuries. The longbow was the dominant weapon in the English arsenal and, well used, was the most weapon lethal in medieval Europe.


Now let's look at longbows in Dungeons and Dragons: 1d8, 150 foot range, Heavy. Slow with mastery.

It's not hard to see the problem. The longsword, carried in two hands, is a d10 weapon, a d8 with a shield. Both attack, presumably, once every six seconds. One has range while the other doesn't, though range rarely comes up in most D&D modules I've played or read.  

This is absurd. Not only because of some nebulous complaint about realism, though that's a valid point in this case--longbows are clearly not well portrayed here--but because as a game mechanic, longbows are boring. 

This is a problem. As written, a longbow is slightly less dangerous than a longsword; the only advantage is can fire at range, and quickly. This is not as helpful as it sounds, especially since ranges generally shrink rapidly in D&D combat. When the enemy has a longbow, you should probably just race towards them and deal with it. They present little to otherwise react to; they're just another weapon. 

Meanwhile, there is no good reason to use them as an archer!

Instead of the slow, expensive, heavy longbow you have the much lighter, cheaper shortbow, which also allows you Vex, which is objectively better in nearly all cases than Slow! And since most damage with ranged weapons comes from class abilities, a d6 and a d8 are essentially no different. (A massive EV change of 1 damage per hit, lol). If you're carrying a longbow in 5E, you're doing it for RP purposes, which I respect, but I don't think it's good game design when a longbow was such an incredible medieval weapon. 

At the moment, bows have a weak vibe. They're essentially just melee weapons, but with range, and suited almost exclusively for the Ranger class. They're comparable to cantrips; just a weak source of reliable distance damage. When you see them, they don't evoke any particular thought; they're just a generic thing to defeat using the same toolkit you use to defeat any generic threat. Boring. Lame.  


So what am I looking for? What's the vibe I'm going for?

Seeing a longbow should (like any weapon tbh) immediately provoke a weapon-specific reaction. This is a dangerous threat! It must be taken seriously! This isn't like a video game with health bars; it's a life-threatening weapon that could in a matter of seconds drive a 12-inch spike all the way through your skull. Players should look for cover, fetch their shields, fall prone! Racing towards longbows in an open field should be insane. You should get cut to pieces, like the knights at Crecy learned. Find another way! Take cover, withdraw--do anything other than barge forwards, convinced by video games you can just "tank the damage" and hit them with a sword.

(Honestly I can think of nothing more boring. When you start bringing MOBA/video game stuff into TTRPGs, I want to fight you. How dare you? "Tanking?" Are you unwell? King Philip was shot in the jaw! )

So what should be done?

1. Longbows should do much, much more damage.

Longbows should be terrifying. They were essentially as lethal as a firearm, able to pierce through most armor and firing faster than early gunpowder weapons. A direct hit was nearly always fatal because they fired with incredible force; draw weights of at least 80 pounds! These are not normal weapons; they should make players react as if seeing very light artillery--because that's what they are! 


2. Longbows should be hard to use.

These were highly-specialized weapons that required years of training. The reason they were replaced by firearms was not that early firearms were better weapons, but that they were easier to learn. A peasant could in a few days learn to use a firearm effectively; similar training for an archer required years. 

Similarly, these were fragile weapons that didn't travel well and wore down with use. They have great power, and great cost. 


3. They should be easier to counter.  

Cover is too weak in D&D, and shields are mostly pointless, granting a tiny generic AC bonus. Going prone and crawling puts attacks at disadvantage, though even that is probably too small a defense. I'm not sure how to implement it in D&D as is; the game just isn't designed for that kind of tactics. But there should be ways of getting around these weapons that are effective, such that "run towards it and hit it with a sword" will always seem like the reckless (though possible!) decision that it is.


4. Arrows should matter. 

Ammunition should be tracked. This is immutable for the style of gameplay I'm going for: you bring supplies with you when you venture into the world! You make calculations, you protect your baggage train, you use the tools available. So yes, you need to track those arrows. (This is a way of countering archery, incidentally! Burn, steal, or simply drain their ammunition!)

Incidentally, this allows for more gameplay, not less! Resources, like any constraint, give your story texture. They force you to make considerations, to have losses, to consider actions! Otherwise you're going to be in mindless videogame automatic mode: see enemy, shoot enemy. Everything should have *some* kind of cost! 


5. Stop making archery abilities

This is a personal taste thing, but every archery ability is stupid, video-game stuff. Fire 3 arrows at once! Fire 5 arrows at once! Fire an arrow at every enemy in a 10-foot square! Go full General Radahn and fill 1/3 of the map with glowing arrows! Look, I just don't like this. I don't want a simulation but I also don't want to feel like we're in an anime. Archery abilities, if you have them, should be very specific and easy to justify: shooting when someone starts casting a spell or something, I guess? Specializing in knocking weapons out of people's hands? Stuff like that. But nothing that starts to defy physics please, or to carry out would need to look like some kind of AI video of a guy shooting 15 arrows a second. 


Where does this all lead?

I'm not sure any of this is possible in D&D as is, which is why I'm writing my own game system to try and put this into practice!


Hey, if you read all this, thank you! I really would love to know what you think! 


Limit your players

 

I love Call of Cthulhu. I'll gush about it some other time; for now it's enough to begin with the fact that it is my favorite game system I've ever played and I've played more than anyone I know IRL. (Granted, online I am basically an infant. I don't know how you people are able to play so many games; I don't even know how you're able to find them.)

There are many reasons to love Call of Cthulhu, and few of them really make sense to me. The typical setting of the 1920s is fun but hardly a cultural juggernaut; I don't know anyone who's particularly interested in the 20s other than in the context of the occasional Halloween party themed around Gatsby. The combat system isn't particularly good; it's fine but it's mostly just a way to die, especially as combat only rarely advances the investigators towards success. 

But perhaps the most confusing element of the game's fun is that it's generally pretty formulaic. 


Please don't panic. I know about Horror on the Orient Express and I know about Masks. I know there are probably thousands of surprising, interesting investigations, written by hundreds of talented writers who should in a better world be producing movies. I know that a well-written investigation played by clever and creative players can go in a dizzying number of directions and be full of memorable characters, near-deaths, actual-deaths. 

But I've read a lot of people talking about the game, played it a lot, read dozens of investigations, and I'm pretty confident for *average* Cthulhu players, an investigation boils down to:

1. Learn the premise.

2. Hit the library, archives, widow's house, etc

3. Visit a weird location

4. (optional) Use new leads to do a little supplementary research/acquisition; go mad. 

5. Do a ritual, stop a ritual, or find a Thing. One of you will probably die, a sacrifice the keeper is willing to make. 

At its core Cthulhu is usually a haunted location simulator with a puzzle. Where D&D has dungeons with combat, Cthulhu has Locations with a Puzzle, and if you solve the puzzle wrong, or slowly, or without the right information, a big leathery mosquito from a distant galaxy sucks your juices out. 


This is not a complaint. It's a great formula! Cthulhu is, I stress, my favorite game to play. But there is definitely a stock formula that most new players will fall into. The problem is then: how do you get your players to play it differently, if you ever want to?

This is where I return to my Thing, if I can be said to have one: take away options. Limit your players. 


This is my least OSR-friendly advice, and it obviously doesn't apply to that world. A sandbox adventure in that style, a hexcrawl or whatever; a simulation--these games probably thrive on giving a decent amount of freedom. But there are still plenty of games that are more or less adventure stories that follow a prewritten plot. Cthulhu is generally one of these! Each investigation might evolve differently, but the overall flow of events is predetermined (Until the investigators do something to derail it, which in my experience is pretty much guaranteed!). And for this style of story, I think freedom is a bit of a curse. 

Imagine it like this: a good story needs a consistent tone and it needs a consistent voice. If you're telling, for example, a gothic horror story, you need to have characters and plot events that fit that vibe. Your main character can (should!) be a trembling young girl; your villain can be a lecherous castle owner, a jealous and wealthy lady, a jilted lover--but probably not a slick Fortune 500 CEO. Similarly, if you're trying to run a serious investigation in a smoky 1920s Chicago waterfront, you want player characters that fit that vibe: detectives, gin runners, lounge singers, a beat cop. If a player wanted to be Red Sonja it would kill the vibe. 

So don't let them be Red Sonja. 


Don't dare think I'm going to say you need to just forbid characters. What, are you dumb? This is group activity! It's not your story, it's everyone's. The keeper tells it, so you have the most vital say, but you're not  some kind of boss. 

Instead, work them into the process. These are your friends, right? Tell them beforehand what the tone of the game is and how the characters should *feel.* Tell them how they definitely shouldn't feel! If they insist on bringing a Kenku to a pulp murder investigation, explain why that doesn't work. Show them Spider Noir, if you must. 

In my favorite Call of Cthulhu game, I explained the investigators were all kidnapped teenage girls. They generated characters like normal but didn't start with any assets; they were already in the dungeon of a cult. They had pretty limited options for character generation. They all had more or less the same backgrounds, and the same limited EDU score. On paper they were a poorly-balanced party with a lot of overlapping strengths and nearly all the same weaknesses. 

And it was one of the best, most coherent parties I've ever had. 

The game was a huge hit. We actually finished it and it remains one of my most consistently-fun investigations. Friends still joke about it. I lowkey wanna make it into a novel.  And while we have fun with more orthodox Cthulhu games, none quite capture that particular narrative for intensity. I give credit to the fact the characters were made with limits, and those limits, while they removed player freedom, forced them to really invest in the character they made and think of them from the start as part of the game world. They meshed with the vibe! Normally, you make the character separately and stitch them in; you try to merge them with the vibe, but they're always just a little alien. They weren't born in the game, they were born in the infinite white space of the player's mind.

Limits and rules can be suffocating, but they also give context to make decisions. Walls can be a prison. But walls also give structure. Don't be afraid to put them up. Let there be doors and windows, make the walls pretty and think them through. But you should probably have them, or you'll end up with the same sorts of parties, their feet always floating just an inch above your world. 

Just Asking Questions

I have a tendency to start fights. I really don't know why; I have some strong opinions, but most people do, too, and I think I'm much more mild than most. I hate arguing; I always concede to people; I'm pretty damn nice. I really try! I don't think I've ever, EVER picked a fight! 

And yet, I do somehow seem to start them. Usually I don't really even know why. 


I saw a post online. Someone wrote a single sentence: 

Lore that is not actionable is excessive.

I paused, unsure if I agreed. It had been reposted by someone I liked enormously! It was agreed to by others! But something was gnawing at me. It's probably the same impulse that causes all the other fight: I wanted to know more and I wasn't sure I agreed. 

The minutiae aren't important, really. It started a wide-ranging discussion and I think other people started their own threads and soon I saw some of the people who had initially agreed with the post I was questioning make their own defenses. None of them answered in my thread; probably assuming it was hostile territory. And, after a few hours, people stopped talking and that was that. 

****

Perhaps "fight" isn't the right word. Nobody got too upset or anything; I don't think any feelings were hurt. It wasn't really a fight at all. But there did seem to be "sides." I had people telling me to ignore the advice of anyone who says such; I had people start talking about the virtue of worldbuilding vs GMing. But I really didn't intend for their to be sides; I didn't even think I disagreed so much as I just didn't know if I agreed. 

And yet it felt like an argument had sprung up. I've been chewing on it since, and I'm worried that maybe that's the only way it could have gone. I asked a question, people answered; an answer is always going to take a side, in some sense. Maybe I didn't intend to take a side by asking a question--so what? In asking a question, you are calling for an answer. And in doing so, yeah, people might argue. Asking questions appears neutral; but in practice, the nebula in which you're hiding must draw in answers, and all that those bring with them.

So now I'm wondering if I'm a bit of a hypocrite. "Don't fight!" I saw, tossing chum into the waters. "I'm an innocent!" I declare, watching smarter, more experienced people than I tear at each other while I nod and take notes. 

I've done this all my life. I like asking questions. Nearly all the time it's easy and uncontroversial. Ask a teacher about homework. Ask my dad about taxes. Ask my mom about black oxalis. 

But sometimes, and I sort of wonder if part of me knows, it's not to easy. Ask a group of veteran gamers about whether they need lore? And then act like you just wanted some lofty, philosophical answer? On the internet? What, are you dumb? 

****

Actually most of the answers were helpful. I really did take a lot from reading what people had to say. Most everyone who commented praised lore and agreed that in general you should have a well-written world. But the truth is, I wasn't sure I agreed with them either; when everyone starts to take one side on something where I know there IS a valid alternative I start to wonder what we're missing. 

So I went looking. 


Turns out I actually liked the article it came from. It answered my questions, which were sincere: What is actionable (things the players can in any way interact with) and what is excessive (things the GM finds fun to write but is simply not going to come up in play and should be left out of the actual game session; nobody wants to listen to your encyclopedia article.) 

Had I actually looked I could probably have found this article and found my answers. Instead, though, I posted a question and waited for people to give me answers. I learned a lot about lore, and people's playstyles, and how people define lore, or struggle to; I learned a lot.

But now I'm also learning a little about myself, maybe. Why do I ask questions when I could actively seek the answer? I know how to search the internet. I can read. I can click around or even just ask "Does anyone know where this is from?"

But instead I asked for reactions, didn't I? What was I expecting? 

I probably learned more this way. But I do fear I caused a lot of other people to have to get kinda worked up over something trivial. Is that messed up of me? 

History Article: The Material History of Tikka Masala

 Listen, admit it: You want to read someone else's homework. I get it. You're super curious about the history of tikka masala. Well, bruh, today is your SECOND luckiest day. 

This is just another of my academic articles. I'm pretty proud of it, to be honest. The footnotes are broken; sorry about that. I had some good jokes in them, too. You are missing out gems like:



Aheheh. Ahem.

Anyhow: 


The Material World of Tikka Masala


Empire is one of the oldest forms of human polity. Almost immediately after humans first settled into agricultural societies, the first empires were born; transient little glories built on bronze, stone, and blood. Humanity seemed to have a taste for empire and refined the concept, one generation after another. By the 1800s the great spider of the British Empire managed to cast nearly the whole of the world under the shadow of its web; great strands carried steamships and railcars to the dustiest edges of humanity. Traditional historiography tells of this as the story of the spider squatting in London; its various imperial hungers, its abuses, its wars. But empires are not ideas, they are processes; more, they are great collections of things that make possible combinations of yet more things. Things brought together unintentionally; brought together by great chained accidents of history. And when these things combine they tell stories that quietly reveal the vast and overpowering scope of the colonial empire. And no colonial product combines so many disparate chains as chicken tikka masala, the now-iconic British dish.

0. What is the object under study?


Chicken tikka masala is a chicken dish. Hailed as a “national dish” of Britain in 2001, it remains the most popular dish ordered in British curry houses and has successfully spread to other western countries. The dish itself consists of tikka--roasted chunks of spiced and marinated chicken, immersed in a curry--a rich, thick sauce traditionally made with premixed curry powder, though many variants exist. According to tradition, tikka masala was invented in a Glasgow curry house called Shish Mahal by British-Pakistani chef Ali Ahmed Aslam sometime in the 1960s or 1970s. According to Aslam’s account, he created the dish after a customer complained the tikka was too dry. Combining curry powder with a can of Campbell’s condensed tomato soup, he created the first chicken tikka masala.

There is reason to doubt Aslam’s story, but its veracity is not particularly important for an examination of the material history of this dish. There are many stories lurking beneath Aslam’s, hidden in the material objects themselves; stories that speak to the history of a global empire.

What we learn in Glasgow


It is not an accident that tikka masala was, allegedly, born in Scotland. An examination of any Scottish high street from the middle of the 19th century on would find not only the half-timber pubs and shops beloved by tourists, but another iconic British institution: the curry house. These curry houses offer a range of Indian and South-Asian-inspired dishes with varying degrees of authenticity. As one would expect, these restaurants were historically opened and maintained by South Asian immigrants and their descendants, who came to Scotland in great numbers in the 19th century; according to the 2022 census, British Asians make up almost 4% of the Scottish population. Material reality brought many of them to Scotland, one that once served as a vital pillar of the empire: the jute trade.


Jute is a long, herbaceous plant that thrives in the hot, humid conditions in and around Bengal and Bangladesh. It has been cultivated for use as a textile for 5,000 years, producing a durable, pliable fiber suited to a wide range of industrial and commercial uses. Though somewhat too rough for clothing, jute fibers are exceptionally strong, making them excel as cordage or for use as bags, mats, and similar heavier-duty uses. Recognizing jute’s potential to be of great utility to a maritime mercantile power, the British East India Company entered the jute trade in 1790. Initially, the tropical plant existed as a minor supplement to flax. Despite its ease of cultivation and the vast labor pools that lived in its warm, humid homeland, jute required a great deal of hand-powered processing that severely limited its utility in comparison to traditional European fibers that could nearly all be spun or otherwise processed mechanically by the late 18th century.


But as was often the case, a Scottish entrepreneur ultimately resolved the problem. Jute was revolutionized in 1833 when Dundee merchant Thomas Neigh discovered a process to mechanize jute spinning. It was labor alone that had prohibited jute from overtaking flax or other traditional European fibers from mass production; now that it could be mechanized, the easily-grown fiber could go from a craft to an industry. Jute production soared; with enterprising Scots opening vast factories in the industrial cities of Scotland. In Dundee, sometimes hailed “juteopolis,” half the population is recorded as having been employed in the jute mills. Gaps in domestic labor were soon filled by immigrants arriving on the same ships as the raw jute. However, the difference in labor pools between Scotland and southeast Asia were yawning; as British control over Asia increased, it became easier to move capital than labor. By 1858, Scottish machinery was flowing to vast new mills in the jute-growing regions themselves.


Industrialization was rapid. By 1895, more jute was processed and spun in Bengal than in Scotland. Numerous Scots traveled to plan, construct, and manage these new industrial facilities. As was often the case, many returned with an interest in the “oriental” cultures they had experienced abroad and sought ways to recreate the experience at home.


One such method was visiting the local curry house. Even in 1895, these were not novel: the first, the Hindoostane Dinner and Hooka Smoking Club, had opened its doors in 1810. Its proprietor, Dean Mahomed, had been born in Bengal, the epicenter of Asia’s original hand-woven jute industry. In addition to Indian cuisine, Mahomed also introduced the then-exotic Indian practice of shampooing hair to Britain; if a modern person would think it rude to be seen at a curry house with greasy, unwashed hair, the work of one man in particular hangs over their head. The material exchange between these two distant locations provided the necessary portal allowing the cultural exchange visible in the diversity of Scottish industrial cities today; it is unlikely tikka masala would exist without the hardy herb.


But jute did more than provide a corridor between northern Europe and southern Asia. The fiber served both colonial empire and commercial curry in the capacity of capacity itself--its ability to create materials storage. British colonialism was focused not on the extraction of gold or silver, but resources, which in south Asia meant largely the spice trade. It is impossible to understate the importance of the spice trade to world history; it would be fair to say the trade was the catalyst for much of modern history. But moving spices in bulk was always a difficult, costly affair. Jute provided an answer: jute, woven into the iconic burlap sack, came to contain the majority of British break bulk cargo. Burlap sacks were the red blood cells of British colonialism; over a billion sacks made by over 64,000 looms in Calcutta alone may have been exported from Bengal to the empire, carrying spices, coffee, teas, and countless other commodities that fueled the great commercial engine of the British empire.


Among their countless cargo would have been the spices requisite in any tikka masala recipe. The transport of sensitive spices was always challenging. Jute bags were strong but highly breathable, preventing the moisture buildup that could lead to fungal infestations that could ruin entire cargos. Jute thus allowed, in a very literal fashion, for the material existence of tikka masala. And modern jute is a child of Scottish industry: the literal thread metaphorically binding two worlds.


II. What we learn at a glance



Tikka Masala is vibrantly red. Or vibrantly orange. There are many recipes; but in most commercial settings, the titular tikka is far from the color of ordinary charred chicken or undyed tomato paste. In traditional Punjabi cooking, the vibrant reds and oranges of tandoori chicken are created with turmeric and paprika; often in quantities unpopular with the mainstream 20th-century British tongue. Enterprising British curry house chefs found a solution. The secret is not the spices: it is dye; specifically Red 40, one of the most common food colorings used in the western world. This color is another marker of the globalized, industrial ancestry of the dish; and in particular, made possible by the Empire’s desperate search for a weapon against disease.


Red 40 is a child of the UK. While dyes have an ancient provenance, they were born as an industry in the 19th century. The Scottish firm of J. Pullar and Sons pioneered the first industrial-scale dye manufacturing; founded in 1824, they operated 30 locations across Britain and had received royal patronage from Queen Victoria by 1856. This was a momentous year for their industry: 1856 was the year the chemical dye industry was born, when 18-year-old English chemist William Henry Perkin synthesized an apparently-harmless, inexpensive mauve dye he called “aniline purple” but was popularized as “mauveine.”


Mauveine caused something of a sensation across Europe. “Mauve was everywhere: streaming on hair ribbons, waving from carriages, jamming up railway stations on the newly fashionable crinolines;” Punch magazine declared London infected with “mauve measles.” Chemists raced to discover new formulae; the age of modern color had begun. It is somewhat ironic that he revolutionized the look of the modern world when young Perkin had made his great discovery entirely by accident: Mauveine was a failed experiment, born of an effort to artificially synthesize the then-lifesaving chemical quinine.


Quinine was in demand because of its use as a treatment for malaria. Malaria, a lethal infection caused by bloodborne parasites easily transmitted by mosquitoes, was perhaps the British empire’s greatest enemy in India. British medical officer Desmond Whyte expressly recalled: “Our first number one enemy was malaria. Everybody, one hundred per cent got malaria.” These microscopic pathogens sickened and killed countless soldiers and administrators over their centuries of colonial venture; in 1939 the British army reported two-thirds of its soldiers being treated for malaria. William Perkin never found his malaria treatment, but he created the precursor to tikka masala’s most iconically visible, if technically flavorless, feature.


III. What we learn Inside the House of Curry


Next we must examine the space where chicken tikka masala was invented and popularized: the curry house. What we find is that like tikka masala itself, the curry house is a British fantasy, built to British tastes, emulating a foreign look never found in the country being emulated.


The classic curry house was built in a particular, iconic form, with the features of the “curry house look” being recognizable enough to attract significant parody and comment in British media. Despite being generally working-class businesses operating with minor margins, the interiors were meant to evoke decadent fantasies of Raj. Perhaps the most defining feature of the curry house was flock wallpaper: red and gold, in sensuous “oriental” patterns that conjured an exotic fantasy of India. Ironically and perhaps predictably, flock wallpaper is a deeply English material.


Flock wallpaper was originally invented in France, but the technique was perfected in England. By the 1700s England produced it in great quantity, recycling waste products (“flock”) from England’s wool industry into wallpaper that became as prestigious as the damask it was meant to imitate; by the late 19th century flock wallpaper in intricate Victorian patterns graced country homes and the Palace of Westminster. Nearly a century later, that same material lined the interiors of the curry house, surrounding diners with red and gold Arts and Crafts or Gothic Revival patterns meant to evoke sumptuous, orientalist fantasies--at an affordable price.


The timing, however, is critical. By the second half of the 20th century, flock was becoming declassé. Flock had once been a symbol of luxury, but its appearance in working-class curry houses was a sign of the material’s decline. British commentators took note, with the Victoria and Albert Museum itself declaring that flock wallpaper had “declined into a cliche, most familiar (at least in Britain) as nothing more than a commonplace decoration in Indian restaurants where it is intended to evoke an atmosphere of colonial grandeur.” By the approach of the 21st century, flock was in complete retreat--not only with the little still in use now a synthetic, rather than woollen, material, but industry communiques specifically admonishing restaurateurs to avoid flock wallpaper and opt for a clean, modern look instead.


It is unclear why tikka masala was able to survive the arc of the wallpaper that once served as the womb of its popularity. The same articles encouraging chefs to abandon flock specifically encourage abandoning tikka masala; the symbolic link between the two was clear even at the time.


IV. What we learn from a can


One of the most compelling parts of the tikka masala story is the claim that it was born from a tin of tomato soup, added to tikka (boneless, spiced chicken chunks) a British patron found too dry after its time in the tandoor. This may be a myth; but a canned, creamy sauce forms a critical element of most tikka masala recipes--another useful material object. The material existence of canned, condensed tomato soup is a byproduct of European military necessity and the modern world’s drive for non-perishable, storable, cheap stores of food.


Tradition ascribes to Napoleon the maxim “An army marches on its stomach.” Though apocryphal, it captures both a military truth as well as an implication that Napoleon’s government well understood: a strong military requires a reliable food supply. To that end, in 1795 the French government offered 12,000 francs as a reward for a method to preserve food. Nicolas Appert won this challenge by heating food sealed in glass jars, though bulky, fragile glassware was hardly useful for an army on the march. It was an Englishman, Peter Durand, who instead patented the use of the modern tin can as a lighter, stronger alternative.


But Durand sold his patent to the self-taught inventor Bryan Donkin, who had already achieved some success with his improvements to the Fourdrinier machine that forms the basis for modern-day papermaking. Along with his partner John Hall, it was Donkin who can be best considered the father of modern canned food. The classic Campbell's canned soup referenced in the tikka masala origin story consists of a metal can wrapped in a paper label. As such, the story unwittingly assigns Donkin particular prominence in the history of the dish.


This also allows a complicating factor, in that Campbell’s soup is not only from the United States, but is perhaps one of the most iconically American brands. Its prominent place in the tikka masala mythology bears analysis. According to restaurateur Iqbal Wahhab, the entire story is a fiction, created by himself with the stated intent to “entertain journalists.” If his claim is true, his selection of Campbell’s as the selected soup is curious. Campbell’s soup is not particularly prominent in Scotland, where the soup market has been dominated by Heinz and native son Baxter’s for generations. If Wahhab was just being frivolous, and his mind landed on Campbell’s as pleasingly absurd, it is reasonable to assume that Andy Warhol lurks in the background of the dish. Perhaps, by the late 20th century, a different commercial empire had begun to supersede that of the British even in the imagination of the empire’s own people.


V. What we learn from the powder


A principal element of tikka masala is the curry powder used to flavor the sauce; the mixture was so associated with tikka masala that high end Indian restaurants more than capable of mixing their own fresh spices use curry powder specifically to evoke the nostalgic flavors of the 20th century. And yet, like the curry house, and like tikka masala itself, curry powder is a British creation; a signifier pointing the opposite direction of the signified.


High end Indian restaurants do not use curry powder. In India, there is simply no such thing as curry powder. Indian chefs sometimes sneer at the phrase; Indian cuisine uses a wide variety of spices in an even wider variety of blends, and the creation of a homogenized “curry powder” is sometimes seen as an insulting oversimplification of an intricate culinary culture.


And yet curry powder remains available in grocers across the western world--for curry powder is a western invention, meant to simulate “India” for a population that had little access to, or interest in, authentic South Asian cuisine. Even in the UK, there is no definitive “curry powder,” nearly all contain a few core ingredients: turmeric, chili powder, peppers, coriander, cumin; other common ingredients include ginger, cardamom, salt, garlic powder, cloves, and nearly any other aromatic. Though these spices do appear in traditional Indian and South Asian cooking, the specific flavor that manufactured “curry powder” creates is relatively uncommon in India proper. Like the larger dish itself, this is a fundamentally British flavor; a beloved national simulacrum.


This is not to suggest curry powder is particularly modern. There are advertisements for curry powder in British newspapers as early 1784; in the form of a Morning Post advertisement claiming the powder will, among other things, “promote good digestion, good circulation,” and even “a strong libido.”


VI. What we have learned


Chicken tikka masala, in its material reality, is a quintessential product of the British Empire, demonstrating how empires are not just ideas but great collections of things brought together by accident. The dish is a synthesis of Scottish industrial ingenuity, chemical science, military necessity, and cultural invention. It is a meal composed of simulacra; a British fantasy of an oriental taste, one that simplifies and commodifies intricate South Asian culinary culture. Ultimately, the status of chicken tikka masala serves as an icon of a global, colonial process that synthesized disparate materials and traditions into a uniquely British creation.


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Don't Argue until you've seen their Character Sheets

RPGs are intensely personal, which is odd when you remember they're done as a group activity. I guess they have that in common with sex. I'd rather not extend that metaphor further, though. 

What matters about that is that it's often hard to remember how different people's tastes are, and that difference can power disagreements. You can really only productively disagree with someone who has fairly similar tastes/values/beliefs/etc as you. The daylight between your competing towers is a place of tension where you can really engage. If your beliefs are wholly alien, you can huff and puff and swear and mock and do all the annoying stuff people do online, but you probably won't get anywhere. There was never anything shared between you; no ability to respect the other opinion. 

It's hard to know that, though, because online everyone is a black box of memes and dumb little jokes. It's often unclear what people really believe until you're arguing, and by then you're committed. Maybe if you'd realized they had awful taste to start, you never would have engaged?

To that end I like to sometimes give glimpses of how *I* play RPGs. This way you can know if you think my opinion is worth valuing at all. I appreciate whenever people do this, even if it leads me to realize they and I have nothing in common. It's better that then we start to argue--nothing good could come of it, the things we like are too different! 

I bring this up because someone was talking about lore, of course, and nearly all of the conversation was about the GM. But it got me to thinking about the players. What about the lore players bring to a table? I know a guy who loves to write and sometimes shows up with typed, printed character backstories that are easily ten pages long. It's absurd. But I'm glad he does because it helps me qualify his opinions when we converse. He and I have different metrics, and that's good to know.

On that note...


Someone once asked me if, when I play, I write out gigantic backstories. To be honest, I have no idea. Generally I am a little verbose but I don't insist the DM read them or anything; I fill out the character sheet like a normal person and just kinda keep the rest in my own head unless anyone cares. 

But for reference, and so you can decide how to calibrate my opinions, I've attached the backstory I wrote out for the last PC I played; an annoying knight based off a character from the ancient movie Excalibur, which I adore. I'll let you decide if this is extra or not.


*****

“Fight me from your horse or on foot, but fight me, your avoidance mocks me!”

Sir Sagramore d’Bailey is a knight. To his telling, that is all one needs to know of him. 

Though he is a noble son, Sagramore rejects the politics and schemes typical of his class. Sagramore lives and breathes chivalry. He is quick to laughter, quick to friendship, quick to violence, and quick to forgiveness. He was educated and is capable of erudition, but prefers to solve problems on the battlefield or in the boxing ring.

Sagramore carries himself as he believes all knights should: with a furious combination of pride and selflessness. He has no fear of mortal peril, but refuses to touch money. He rejects debauchery and decadence, but drinks wine with every meal. He mocks the excessive piety of paladins and similar holy men, but would never willingly tell a lie. Sagramore unashamedly views himself as superior to the vulgar peasantry, yet he would proudly die protecting them.

Sagramore is a secular knight. He offers prayers to his gods at times, and would not speak ill of them, but he is not a devout man, nor is he interested in what he views as the adoration of weakness. He will defend an imperiled man, but only after pressing a spear into that man’s hands and standing beside him.

Sagramore d’Bailey is the third son of Lohengrin d’Bailey, a living legend and prominent nobleman. His elder brothers, Cassander and Lohengrin the Younger, are both uniquely brilliant men, famed for their wide array of intellectual achievements. In contrast, Lohengrin never took to his studies, instead spending his youth boxing, sparring, and riding. Though it was never a conscious protest, Sagramore took to the martial elements of chivalry with greater energy than any other member of his family; as his brothers have taken over more and more of the family affairs, Sagramore has become ever more of a knight errant. 

Sagramore has no long-term goal in mind; he is content to travel the world in search of adventure, fighting foes and defeating villainy where he finds it. 

Sagramore has three retainers, via the Retainer's feature of the Noble (knight) background.

Bryn Mawr Bailey is Sagramore’s squire. She is his younger sister and the only daughter of the Bailey family. As there is no expectation either will inherit important roles in the family, Sagramore has made it his mission to raise her into the model of chivalry. 

Sagramore refuses to countenance her entry into real combat, instead preferring to mentor her through academic instruction in the moral and philosophical aspects of knighthood. His lessons are sometimes effective.

Elyan d’Bailey is Sagramore’s pageboy, primarily responsible for keeping Sagramore’s armor clean, though he also pours wine, polishes blades, and carries out other minor errands. He is the youngest brother in the family, and still years from entering service as a squire. 

Old Mardonius is Sagramore’s secretary, in charge of the knight’s purse. Mardonius is an aged family retainer now given great latitude; he keeps Sagramore in contact with the family and its contacts around the Sword Coast. Most vitally, he handles Sagramore’s finances, as the knight finds money and its use vulgar. 

Book Review: Medea

My best friend loves Madea. I'm not really the world's biggest Tyler Perry fan, but I do respect that Madea, with her tough exterior and warm heart, has at least a little in common with Medea, the ancient Greek sorceress.


I'm reviewing Medea, the ancient Euripides play. I've actually seen it performed (my high school had a very dedicated theater program) but mostly I'm reviewing it as a book, because I think that's how most people experience it nowadays. Plus, I don't have the ability to judge theater.

Medea tells the story of the sorceress Medea, who is left by her husband for another woman. This is pretty much the entire plot structure: what you then get is about an hour and a half of rage, betrayal, and hatred. The story is told entirely through dialogue—as you'd expect for a play—but most of the important information comes from lengthy monologues, mostly by Medea herself. Those are what make the play an interesting read: like a novel, you start to get what's going on in her head.

The answer, perhaps disappointingly, is "not very much." Medea is venomously angry at her husband, his young new bride, the local king; that's about the sum of it. She doesnt seem to realize that she's probably mostly mad at herself, which is understandable. In fact, I think that's the crux of the drama: She thinks she's been betrayed by her husband. But the real betrayal is her own.

We don't meet Medea the maiden in this play, but I know it. I read Percy Jackson; I also had the stock Greek mythology books all bookish girls grow up with. When I first met her, I was enchanted: I loved Medea. I'm an easy sell: there is nothing I've ever liked more than a beautiful, powerful sorceress; this was true when I was 6 and it's still true today.

Jason bothered me because he took away the possibility that Medea offered. She was a princess, a sorceress, and a child of gods. She fell in love with this pompous man; saved his life, killed her brother for him, bore his children. But none of it was by her own design: their love was decreed not by romance but by the will of the gods. Their love was hollow and unnatural. She was willing to endure that passionless dedication, but he was not. He took action, while she was made a fool.

Greek heroes are actors, by which I mean they act. They struggle against fates and often die; they're frequently bad people. What makes them heroes is they try to work their will on a resistant world. Medea fails to do so for most of her life. Jason's betrayal forces her to confront that he can act, and she never has. So she decides to act, and reaching that point is the crux of the book.

The climax is incredible. What's wonderful is seeing her realize that she can act; she is the child of gods; she doesn't need to act under their will alone. She can ask them for favors. The ending is a little unexpected, but it bears my point out. The gods notice and seem to support her. They don't mind her deciding to act; in fact, they seem to be rewarding it. They are beyond good and evil, after all. They admire heroism.


I should mention that when I first read this, I was also drinking. I don't drink alcohol normally, but one night I felt like trying it. I had a couple Twisted Teas a friend brought over and paced back and forth in my kitchen, book in hand, mumbling some of the monologues to myself and grinning.

I'm not really a party animal.

Using Class Primers to Help with a Vibe

Night is a setting for my heavily-customized 5e game. I was a coward when I first started running it and allowed all the base classes, though I did require players to read the following text boxes for their class. 

I actually think this worked really well, to be honest. I didn't need to spring too much lore on them in game but it was enough they understood that this was a different type of game with a different feel--a different vibe--and it let them get into character quickly. As they grew more comfortable with the story, it stopped really even feeling like 5e, though we used the same base ruleset. This is actually where I began formalizing my Game Vibes theory. Build the vibes to build a fun game, beyond the rules themselves. 

Anyhow, if you're at all interested what this looked like in practice, I copied my class primers below: 

Classes: Classes suggest social roles, and NPCs need not use these specific rules

Barbarian: There is no urban, cosmopolitan impulse, nor distinct nationalities, in post-Sundown Taurica, so “barbarian” likely reflects more on the character’s personality, such as their penchant for rage or their devotion to pagan idols instead of the Church. It could also refer to a character from a particularly-remote region where agriculture is not practiced and humans live more nomadic lives. In Chalcedon, ‘barbarians’ would see no particular stigma, though they may draw attention as curious outsiders. 

A player barbarian might seek the sunstone simply to gain their power, with less question about their theological importance. Who wouldn’t want to live forever?


Bard: Bards are a common fixture of social life in Taurica and generally well-received. They are among the most common itinerant travelers and their storytelling is the primary news-sharing organ for lay people. With the vast majority of production being local, professional merchants are uncommon, so bards usually play that role as well, leading caravans of both performers and specialty goods such as jewelry or exotic metals. Their arrival in a new town is usually heralded as a fair, where they stage productions and market their goods.

“Bard” is a common term, but they are as often known simply as “caravaneers,” “travelers,” or “

Most bards do not possess spellcasting ability, but many have learned similar tricks and even some minor conjurations from their fellows on the road. Bards that possess such power generally include it in their act, with many even posing as full-fledged magicians. 


A player Bard possibly seeks adventure and new material for their storytelling, as the Sunstones always promise drama and excitement far greater than rural life can ever rival. 


Cleric: Overwhelmingly, clergy serve the Church of the Night Mother, which leads worship in nearly every village in Taurica. The church fills many roles in society, being often the only source of organized social services. As such, clerics are respected but commonplace enough that individual clerics do not impress commonfolk through rank alone. 

Within the Church, clerics belong to one of many Orders, each with their own internal politics and theological foci; at its head, the various Bishops and Mothers Superior decide Church governance via complex elections. Though socially generous,the Church is still temperamentally conservative and views the maintenance of tradition as its most important role, which can frustrate reformist clergymen.

Clerics with divine abilities are viewed as particularly impressive, though it does not technically allow them to skip stages as they rise in the church hierarchy. Nearly all bishops and Mothers Superior have great divine ability. 

Generally, male clerics are addressed as “father,” while female clerics are addressed as “mother,” though the generic “priest” can apply to either.

Clerics can exist outside of official Church hierarchy, but all true clerics draw their power from the Night Mother, so a player may be a heretic but they can never be a heathen. 

A player Cleric could be investigating the Sunstones: the church has yet to form an official policy on the metaphysical qualities of the stones or the significance of their use, and the cleric is attempting to learn more.


Druid: Druids represent animist faiths that were ancient even in the time of the Sun. The majority of NPC “druids” are simply lay members of woodland cults. Druids with true divine power are rare, and a player’s chosen Circle represents the last members of that order. The disappearance of the Sun is of enormous importance to all druids, most of whom seek its return though with no clear concept of how. Some druids revere the Moon and actively oppose the restoration of daylight, however. 

There is no overt social stigma against Druidism; which most see as harmless folk tradition. The Church of the Night Mother discourages nature worship but tolerates it as a misguided worship of the Night Mother’s blessings. 

Player druids are likely agents of their order, seeking sunstones as part of a larger plan to restore the sun or maintain its absence. It is possible, given the hierarchical and secretive nature of druids, that the player does not even know why they are so assigned. 


Fighter: Large-scale warfare is rare in Taurica, so fighter PCs are likely more akin to roaming quest-knights, monster-hunters, and treasure-seekers than soldiers. In most towns, crime and punishment is handled by ad hoc assemblies of citizens; only the larger settlements have dedicated warriors working as bridge-guards, monster hunters, or similar order-enforcing roles. Particularly-gifted fighters may abandon such mundane work and elect a nomadic, if challenging, life.

Local folk generally react to newly-arrived fighters as one might view any heavily-armed stranger: with suspicion until they are better known. 

Fighters are an enormously-diverse group, but a player-fighter could be a youth with a longing for adventure instead of humdrum village life or a swordsman seeking a compelling foe. Pursuit of sunstones promises adventure, danger, and more.


Monk: Monks represent religious figures who have accepted sacred poverty, but not necessarily the specific education to become an ordained priest. Monks are sworn members of a monastic order, and are fundamentally religious figures, not martial. Monks are sworn not to bring death upon any human, venerate the Night Mother, and to always serve the needy. That aside, they enjoy particular freedom with few professional responsibilities.

Monks are literate, and in fact often the best-educated people in any particular town, as they can give themselves over to reading and writing full-time while the local priests need to minister and serve their flock. Monks are often employed as teachers in the church schools, helping smallfolk gain a grasp of basic literacy, numeracy, and theology. 

This same combination of free time and erudition feeds another trait not universal, but common, among the monks: their specific study of athletics and martial prowess. The ancients felt a strong mind was wasted in a weak body, and many monks agree, dedicating significant sums of time to exercise and even outright aestheticism; a rare trait in this age. 

The central class concept of ‘Ki’ is an abstraction the monk may or may not make; they would certainly use a term such as “energy” or “inner light” instead.

Monks can be odd, colorful characters, and many do not always live up their vows. However, it is rare for them to be truly malicious or bellicose. 

Like clerics, monks are usually referred to as “brother” or “sister,” though they do not have any particular legal authority and enjoy no special privilege except respect. Itinerant monks that wander from town to town preaching and begging are known specifically as “Friars.”

A monk PC would most likely be driven by a desire to solve the mystery of the missing sun; their martial prowess being borne of their unyielding faith rather than any ideological obsession with unarmed combat. 


Paladin: Paladins represent the executive arm of the Church of the Night Mother, where they belong to an order known specifically by that name. Paladins are the church’s ultimate answer to crises, and they can expect significant support from local religious officials. Despite this, paladins are not aristocrats--like monks, they are sworn to individual poverty and can never own more than they can carry on a single horse. 

Unlike monks, paladins are legally and theologically empowered to take human lives, though they are expected to perform full rites for the deceased and provide a report of their actions to the local parish. Paladins are expected to master a variety of weapons, but consider the sword the most vital and the lance the most noble. Beyond warfighting, paladins are expected to be leaders, organizers, and planners in a wide range of disasters, from outbreaks of disease to wildfire evacuations. 

Paladins are recruited, often from church orphanages, though volunteers are accepted. Squires must demonstrate unfailing self-control, generosity, piety, and mercy for a period of at least three years before swearing themselves to the Order, while they are trained in combat, theology, and etiquette. Once sworn, they are granted relative freedom to travel from parish to parish, seeking injustice. Most paladins swear themselves to a particular “Quest,” which can be anything from a hunt for a particular criminal to a yearslong attempt to recover a lost relic. At any moment, a Paladin can be ordered into service by a bishop, most typically in response to the appearance of monstrous creatures. 

Paladins are among the most beloved members of society. Paladins of particular bravery and beauty are common heroes in folktales; young children often play Paladins and Dragons with sticks as swords. It is a difficult and demanding life, however, spent primarily in travel from calamity to calamity, and relatively few people devote themselves to it. 

Not all paladins carry divine powers as per the Paladin class; however, members of the Order are generally competent, intelligent, and charismatic individuals; they are almost never corrupt. 

Paladins are addressed as “Sir” or “Lady,” as per their choice, with high-ranking paladins being “Masters.”  Male paladins have a greater tendency to fall in love during their travels and leave the order to become fathers than their counterparts, causing the Masters to skew slightly female.  Even the most-lauded paladin Master is expected to consort with the lowest members of society and model endless grace and forgiveness even upon the lowest sinners.


A player paladin is possibly a “missionary” sent by a larger Cathedral to support the local parish. Sunstones are associated with the appearance of monsters and occult forces; it is the church’s duty to protect the flock from such abominations. The stones themselves are worthy of study.


Ranger: Rangers are omnipresent in Taurica, if rarely seen. Hunters, guides, spies, and even mercenaries at times, rangers are the most common people found traversing the nearly-endless wildlands. Though most are more comfortable in the veil of shadow than the firelit towns, human civilization could not survive without them.

Travel is difficult in the shadowed forests. Rangers specialize in surviving the gloom, and in their travels often encounter inexplicable relics of the bygone age. While they lack any central organization, the men and women who make their living along dark footpaths tend to recognize one another easily and have become the class most knowledgeable about the Sunstones, their mysterious appearances, and their effect on the world around them.

While rangers in general can be from any number of backgrounds, a particular subgroup are the rangers called Vigilants. They are the descendents of the last centralized human kingdom, an elite force meant to protect the crown’s far-flung estates even amidst the gloom. Their mission failed, yet their tradition descended through generations of new recruits. Today, they form an unofficial brotherhood that cooperate to protect civilization from the alien threats lurking in the dark.  

A player ranger is likely in pursuit of sunstones not only out of ambition and curiosity, but because they have seen firsthand the fiery trails they cut through the night sky, and the bizarre warping effect they wreak upon the nearby life that is normally so calm and mundane. 


Rogue: Rogues are not a social class so much as a temperament: those for whom idyllic rural life will never be enough. Jokesters, thieves, con artists; they are bored by agriculture, disinterested in raising a family, and unimpressed by piety. In any town, there are a handful of such characters: second sons about whom everyone has a(n often alcohol-fumed) story; pretty daughters who just can’t seem to settle on a husband; children who just don’t act or feel the way society wants them to. Often, if the pressure of conformity grows too strong, such characters set out to wander the Night, hoping to find a place where they can finally feel at home. 

More darkly, rogues can represent those who, for whatever reason, harbor a desire to inflict pain or death on other humans: a predilection highly-alienating in the cohesive village-communes of Taurica. 

A player rogue seeks a world beyond their village, which they likely view not merely as boring but actively stifling. The sunstones alone seem to offer a pathway to a life of color and the power to make their own destiny. 


Sorcerer: Sorcerers are heavily impacted by this setting. In Taurica, magic is rare, though not unheard of. Magicians exist, often as strange hermits but also as wandering showmen and miracle-workers for hire. These people sometimes possess limited power, but as frequently they are mere showmen; as such most people view talk of “magic” with polite skepticism. However, in rare circumstances, young girls are born with undeniable magical gifts. 

In early childhood, these gifts manifest in subtle and uncontrolled ways, but by early adulthood these women gain enough control over their powers they can exert them by choice. It is possible they have hidden their powers from those around them, but no sorcerer is surprised by her powers, which feel as intrinsic to them as their hands or eyes. 

Sorcerers are always women of surpassing beauty, which coupled with their magic lends them incredible social repute. Tall tales of cruel witches, kind enchantresses, and tempestuous conjurers wind their way through every culture in Taurica, rooted in both the reality of these women and healthy doses of human fabulation. Despite the ubiquitous stories, these women are vanishingly rare and nearly everyone who claims to have met one is lying. 

The true sorcerers, of whom there may be only a dozen at a time, are withdrawn figures of incredible power, engaged in mystical work beyond the understanding of common men. While presumably mortal, they seem to live forever, though there are legends of evil witches being dispatched by clever heroes. 

The existence of sorcerers--under any number of names, such as witch--is often doubted, but the Church of the Night Mother is aware of their factual existence. In secretive conclaves, they have for years debated the significance of these women: some seeing them as incidental and unimportant, some seeing them as a worrisome threat to be investigated, and others proposing divine relevance, even going as far as suggesting direct connection to the Night Mother. 

While mechanically any Sorcerous Origin is presumably acceptable, the player and DM must to reconfigure the framing, as all sorcerers in Taurica share a single Origin, the details of which are nebulously understood. 

The player should select an origin and use its ruleset, but to their knowledge there is nothing unique about their heritage and their unusual powers seem to have appeared purely by chance. 

While magicians of various kinds are common, and some even possess minor tricks, true sorcerers are singular to the point of being unique. 

A player sorcerer would most likely be a young woman, taking her first steps on the dangerous road to power. While entirely ignorant of the reason, she realizes her unique nature and seeks answers in the one thing as alien and powerful as herself: the sunstones. 


Warlock: To the common folk, “warlocks” are no different from sorcerers: mystical figures borne more of tall tale than reality, if always possibly lurking in the shadowed woods. However, warlock-like figures are in reality vastly more common, if typically less powerful. The specific mechanics of the Warlock class only apply to player characters: occultist NPCs may or may not follow warlock patterns. 

For players, Warlocks are mechanically unchanged, but occult forces in Taurica are even more veiled than elsewhere: whatever pact the warlock sealed mechanically, it behaves in-game as a pact with a particular, nameless Great Old One. There is no suggestion of what the alien entity is or what it desires, though it can grant any Pact. The player receives only vague and inscrutable omens, such as disturbing dreams or faint, momentary hallucinations. There are times they feel a compulsion to carry out particular acts, but these acts lack pattern and often lack apparent impact at all, such as opening a window at a certain hour or hunting down and killing a particular blackbird. Among these compulsions is a desire to acquire sunstones that surpasses all others. 

A warlock, by definition, would be a player character. Whatever their personal ambitions, they feel an overwhelming urge to seek and ingest the power of sunstones.



Wizard: Magic today is rare, but was once a central force in the sunbaked empires of old. Aside from the Church of the Night Mother, a single, obscure organization still maintains a fraction of its ancient power: The College of Taurica. 

The location of the College is secret, and so little is known of the organization many think it a myth. But the College is real, and for a thousand years it has survived more losses and battles than it can ever reveal. 

The College trains wizards in the ancient art of magic; specifically the potent form of arcane magic that once fueled empires. Wholly secular, the College’s magic relies on complex mathematical and philosophical theories understood by no other people today. As such, it poses no challenge to the Church of the Night Mother’s authority, with which it enjoys tacit relations as the only fellow intellectual body.  

Wizards themselves are academics, with no interest in political gain, conquest, or the acquisition of wealth. While powerful, their magic is far weaker than it was in ancient times, and their work is focused on research, rather than practice. 

The spellbook is the central tool of the class, and is a nearly-irreplaceable artifact. Fewer than one hundred spellbooks remain, all the creations of the mage-kings of ancient times. The bizarre runes and incantations scribed within are impossible to decipher, but they can be invoked and manipulated with proper study. As such, most people have no understanding of their value and would fail to recognize a wizard as opposed to a simple church scholar. 

Conversely, all wizards recognize one another on both personal and professional levels. 

Wizards generally prefer to remain cloistered together at the College proper with its abundant resources and endless library archives. 

Obsessive archivists, the 5 Regents of the College are well aware their roster is at an all-time low, with a total faculty of less than 50 wizards. 

The College is collegiate, but sensitive archival research is reserved for senior wizards, while newer initiates are often tasked with less-desirable field research. A player wizard could be relatively young and just beginning their career, having either been assigned or chosen to investigate the nature of sunstones. Authoring a pioneering paper on these could open doors to the most sensitive collections in the College library: the ultimate dream of any wizard.


Against the Internet

 It's too late. This kingdom is crumbling. We should take what few treasures we can carry and flee. The enemy isn't just at the gates--they're already inside. Our soldiers are abandoning their posts; many have disappeared; many have succumbed to the sickness that is eating this land from the inside out. We don't have long before this place is a wasteland and we have to be ready or we will lose everything.



I hear the internet used to be good. There were websites. People talked to one another and made friends. People shared recipes. I'm not sure what else they did, to be honest. I wasn't there. It's a hazy, mythic era full of vaguely-defined heroes; heroes which, as is usually the case with classic literature, don't always stand up to moral scrutiny. "Anonymous." Hackers. Dissidents in repressive states. Dissidents in free states. Perverts. All nebulously united in a grand experiment in personal freedom, the free exchange of information, and the creation of digital communities.

That has never been my experience. 

I'm going to stake out a radical position that I'll probably walk back, but until that time, I will believe fervently: the internet is a mistake, a bad thing built on a bad foundation, and a great deal of it is actively destroying the few good parts of it.

I'll start with the parts that you'll probably agree with, because you're reading this on the internet. I do like that I can read individual  people's work. "Blogs." A hideous word for the single best thing on the internet. I suppose for a lot of people they're "newsletters" now, which is less ugly but more pretentious; it also forces it to sound like a political thing. I don't want to get a "newsletter" from my favorite poet. My elementary school sent "newsletters."

I like to read, so I like being able to read lots and lots, and usually for free. That's nice. There are so many things I wouldn't have read if not for the internet. 

I also like, I think, being able to talk to other people I don't know in a mostly safe environment. That sounds specific because it is. I don't think anonymous chat sites are good ideas. I don't think most social media is a good idea. Ask me how many girls I know who have been groomed, stalked, harassed, blackmailed, or catfished online. I don't mean "got a nasty comment," either. I mean like actual adult men propositioning them; looking for their addresses; trying to break into their phones. Lately a lot of them have been put into AI and stripped. The AI doesn't seem to notice they're not 18; I guess you could just tell it they are.

I also like streaming music, though I live next to some of the best CD stores on this planet and have no intention to stop buying them. 

I think that's it. 

What, no Youtube?

No. That place is stupid. I don't like it. Skibidi doo away. 

But what about THIS video? It's a French artist's hand-drawn masterpiece! 

It's very impressive! Did you realize you're spending 14 hours a day on your phone? 

But this is how I learn about--

Shut up shut up shut up shut up

No, really, I learned how to unclog my drain-

Really, I believe you. Fine. Youtube is fine if you're using to unclog your drain or learn any other specific skill. Conservatively, what percentage of YT do you think that is? Did you ever notice there's a "Youtube Kids" and some kids spend hours a day staring at it? Did you ever notice these kids lose their minds when their tablet is taken away? Did you ever realize how scary that is? Did you know half my middle school couldn't read a paragraph without reaching for their phones?

Okay, what about Wikipedia?

I don't know. I don't use it that often. I have several actual encyclopedia and I live in a bookstore and I have a library card. 

But what if you have to look up the history of Guam?

I haven't had to. How often are you doing that? Or are you just flipping through pages, learning 1% of nothing, playing Reverse Trivial Pursuit at 11 AM?

What's Trivial Pursuit?

I played it a lot with my grandpa when he was in the hospital. I don't believe I literally ever got a question right. Most of the time I didn't even understand what it was asking. "Who played Porgie Bass in the 1945 BaseBall Film Man "Dog Dreamer Day?"'

Are you having an episode?

I don't think you need Wikipedia as much as you think. But sure, fine. It's probably the best thing on the internet. I do like knowledge. You can keep Wikipedia and YouTool. 

What else is there? Netflix? Eww. Lame. The only TV worth watching is reruns of SVU. Amazon? The evil company that's going to buy the sun? Meta? They're somehow even worse. ChatGPT? 

Don't say those words to me. ChatGPT, and the virus that animates it and all its sisters, are what's eating your world and reducing it to ruin. My hatred of the internet is powerless and impotent. I'm 5'2''. I don't like to use most websites but I can't keep them from you.

AI can. And will. It already is. It's turning everything to sludge. It's sucking up everything you write and everything everyone else writes and spitting out a slurry and there's nothing you can do to stop it. 

You're reaching a hysterical register. What are you talking about?

I haven't eaten in 24 hours. I'm getting angry. It's...probably not the internet's fault. It's probably fine. I might be getting irrational. This might not really be about the internet at all, or AI, or whatever I was trying to get at. 

Are you just bitter you deactived your TT?

I HAD A THOUSAND FOLLOWERS.

...


I'm going to post this because, at the very least, people deserve to see what I do when I'm cranky and it's 1 AM and I'm flopping around in bed and very very unhappy. I suppose it's exhibitionism?


Respecting the Longbow

  On the 26th of August, 1346, the forces of Edward III, king of England, stood in a series of columns between the villages of Crecy and Wad...