Don't Argue until you've seen their Character Sheets

RPGs are intensely personal, which is odd when you remember they're done as a group activity. I guess they have that in common with sex. I'd rather not extend that metaphor further, though. 

What matters about that is that it's often hard to remember how different people's tastes are, and that difference can power disagreements. You can really only productively disagree with someone who has fairly similar tastes/values/beliefs/etc as you. The daylight between your competing towers is a place of tension where you can really engage. If your beliefs are wholly alien, you can huff and puff and swear and mock and do all the annoying stuff people do online, but you probably won't get anywhere. There was never anything shared between you; no ability to respect the other opinion. 

It's hard to know that, though, because online everyone is a black box of memes and dumb little jokes. It's often unclear what people really believe until you're arguing, and by then you're committed. Maybe if you'd realized they had awful taste to start, you never would have engaged?

To that end I like to sometimes give glimpses of how *I* play RPGs. This way you can know if you think my opinion is worth valuing at all. I appreciate whenever people do this, even if it leads me to realize they and I have nothing in common. It's better that then we start to argue--nothing good could come of it, the things we like are too different! 

I bring this up because someone was talking about lore, of course, and nearly all of the conversation was about the GM. But it got me to thinking about the players. What about the lore players bring to a table? I know a guy who loves to write and sometimes shows up with typed, printed character backstories that are easily ten pages long. It's absurd. But I'm glad he does because it helps me qualify his opinions when we converse. He and I have different metrics, and that's good to know.

On that note...

Someone once asked me if, when I play, I write out gigantic backstories. To be honest, I have no idea. Generally I am a little verbose but I don't insist the DM read them or anything; I fill out the character sheet like a normal person and just kinda keep the rest in my own head unless anyone cares. 

But for reference, and so you can decide how to calibrate my opinions, I've attached the backstory I wrote out for the last PC I played; an annoying knight based off a character from the ancient movie Excalibur, which I adore. I'll let you decide if this is extra or not.

*****

“Fight me from your horse or on foot, but fight me, your avoidance mocks me!”

Sir Sagramore d’Bailey is a knight. To his telling, that is all one needs to know of him. 

Though he is a noble son, Sagramore rejects the politics and schemes typical of his class. Sagramore lives and breathes chivalry. He is quick to laughter, quick to friendship, quick to violence, and quick to forgiveness. He was educated and is capable of erudition, but prefers to solve problems on the battlefield or in the boxing ring.

Sagramore carries himself as he believes all knights should: with a furious combination of pride and selflessness. He has no fear of mortal peril, but refuses to touch money. He rejects debauchery and decadence, but drinks wine with every meal. He mocks the excessive piety of paladins and similar holy men, but would never willingly tell a lie. Sagramore unashamedly views himself as superior to the vulgar peasantry, yet he would proudly die protecting them.

Sagramore is a secular knight. He offers prayers to his gods at times, and would not speak ill of them, but he is not a devout man, nor is he interested in what he views as the adoration of weakness. He will defend an imperiled man, but only after pressing a spear into that man’s hands and standing beside him.

Sagramore d’Bailey is the third son of Lohengrin d’Bailey, a living legend and prominent nobleman. His elder brothers, Cassander and Lohengrin the Younger, are both uniquely brilliant men, famed for their wide array of intellectual achievements. In contrast, Lohengrin never took to his studies, instead spending his youth boxing, sparring, and riding. Though it was never a conscious protest, Sagramore took to the martial elements of chivalry with greater energy than any other member of his family; as his brothers have taken over more and more of the family affairs, Sagramore has become ever more of a knight errant. 

Sagramore has no long-term goal in mind; he is content to travel the world in search of adventure, fighting foes and defeating villainy where he finds it. 

Sagramore has three retainers, via the Retainer's feature of the Noble (knight) background.

Bryn Mawr Bailey is Sagramore’s squire. She is his younger sister and the only daughter of the Bailey family. As there is no expectation either will inherit important roles in the family, Sagramore has made it his mission to raise her into the model of chivalry. 

Sagramore refuses to countenance her entry into real combat, instead preferring to mentor her through academic instruction in the moral and philosophical aspects of knighthood. His lessons are sometimes effective.

Elyan d’Bailey is Sagramore’s pageboy, primarily responsible for keeping Sagramore’s armor clean, though he also pours wine, polishes blades, and carries out other minor errands. He is the youngest brother in the family, and still years from entering service as a squire. 

Old Mardonius is Sagramore’s secretary, in charge of the knight’s purse. Mardonius is an aged family retainer now given great latitude; he keeps Sagramore in contact with the family and its contacts around the Sword Coast. Most vitally, he handles Sagramore’s finances, as the knight finds money and its use vulgar.